An aspect of divorce that is little talked about is the difficulty remarried people can encounter when trying to persuade their grown-up step-children children to help look after their aging parents.

It shows how the way in which divorce and remarriage can alienate children from their parents, even to the point where they won’t help their new step-parents to look after them in old age.

A blog in The New York Times captures the problem well: “Every year, nearly a half-million adults over age 65 remarry, and a growing proportion of these spouses — usually the wives — eventually will become primary caregivers. Many will look for aid from those with whom their ties may not be particularly strong: their partners’ adult children. New research suggests the caregivers may be in for bitter disappointment.

“A study published this month in The Journal of Marriage and Family examined sources of support for late-life wives whose husbands had a dementia-related disease. The researchers found that nearly half of the people whom the women felt had a negative impact on their caregiving were the husband’s relatives — most prominently, his adult children. Generally, these women felt that their stepfamilies created conflict or that their support was minimal or nonexistent.

“Research has already shown that dementia caregiving for intact families is demanding, intensive and isolating. This study underscored that remarried caregivers face additional challenges.

“’One woman told me, I called a family meeting to discuss how to manage things, but no one showed up,”’ said Carey Wexler Sherman, the lead author and a research investigator at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan.

“The family meeting is often urged by social workers, Dr. Sherman added, “but it simply doesn’t fit these situations.”

“Dr. Sherman and her colleagues extensively interviewed 61 women who were the primary caregivers for their failing husbands, asking them to sort out which relationships were most and least helpful among friends, professionals and family. The women were largely in their 60s and 70s, though their ages ranged from 45 to 87. They were still living in their homes with their husbands, for whom they had round-the-clock oversight.

“’These women have unique vulnerabilities,’ Dr. Sherman said. ‘I know adult stepchildren who step up in every sense of the word, but for most of these women, disagreements with stepchildren was the most stressful aspect of providing care for the husband.’”