Does a child simply need loving parents (or just one loving parent) or is it a good thing to have a father as well as a mother? What seems to be particularly in doubt in certain circles these days is the need for a father.
Well, some of us do indeed argue that every child needs a father, or least can benefit from having a father. Let’s say it out loud before it’s deemed a hate-crime to even think it. 
One area is the increasingly reviled rough-and-tumble play (RTP), i.e., chasing, wrestling and play-fighting. Unless you’ve been living on Mars these last few decades, you’ll be aware that this type of play is sometimes seen as a “gateway” to violence as a teen and adult – this, despite the well-known correlation between anti-social and violent behaviour in youths and an absence of fathers.
Is RTP an exclusively male-parent pursuit? Of course not. But is there something both essential for child development, and male-oriented, in it?
John Hoffman [1] writes that:
In two related studies, Dr. Joseph Flanders, Research Director at Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Clinic…found that frequent rough and tumble play with fathers was associated with more aggressive behaviour and poorer emotional regulation in children whose fathers did not play a what he termed a “dominant” role – a leadership role in which the father sets limits and regulates the flow of rough play episodes.
Interesting. It appears from this that rough-and-tumble play without boundaries can be bad, but rough-and-tumble play where the fathers set boundaries is good.
RTP is attributed to the development of father-child attachment, emotional regulation and peer competence. Recent work by psychologist Joseph Flanders of the Department of Psychology at McGill University showed that
preschoolers who engaged in frequent RTP with fathers who did not play the aforementioned “dominant” role tended to be more aggressive with peers. However, when fathers set limits and regulated the flow of RTP in a sensitive way, high frequency of father-child RTP was not associated with increased aggressive behaviour in children.
Flanders explains: “Because preschool aged children are just learning how to regulate their own behavior, these [RTP] interactions can be especially challenging…An optimally firm and assertive playmate is likely to be more important in this ‘hot’ play context compared with ‘cooler’ play contexts such as a board game.”
Further, Prof. Mariana Brussoni [2] of the University of British Columbia’s Dept. of Pediatrics, and an expert in prevention of child injuries, explains the developmental importance of risky play for children. “I consider risky play an injury prevention strategy….Children who have the opportunity to engage with risks in a secure setting with minimal hazards and appropriate supervision learn lessons that will serve them in good stead when they encounter risks in the ‘real’ world.” And the specific role of the father? “Compared to mothers, fathers spend a larger percentage of their time playing with their children. Men’s approach to caring involves doing activities together and taking kids out to play.”
The deliciously ironic aspect of the whole discussion is that you never hear challenges from the radicals about the unique gift that mothers bring to raising a child. Only those essential ingredients that fathers bring. Keep up the RTP while you’re still permitted, Dads.
Finally, here’s an ad for a breakfast cereal [3] that also happens to be one of the best pro-dad ads around. Watch it and you’ll see a dad who is involved with his children but not in a sappy way. Who loves them without being sentimental. Who sets boundaries without being overly strict. Who engages in the right kind of RTP and is fun. In other words, is all the things a good dad should be.